Saturday, 12 July 2014

200 Pounds Beauty (2006)

5.5 out of 10
Bedevilled, 2010, is an excellent horror film from Korea. In this tale a stressed-out executive named Hae-won returns, Shuttered Room style, to the island of her birth. Here she discovers that her old childhood friend, Bok-nam, is being treated as a slave and is forced to dig potatoes, keep bees and perform sexual services for the menfolk of the island. But, among some Last House on the Left style roughness and an Anthropophagus scale massacre, the film makes some pertinent points with regard to what the filmmakers perceive as the role of women in Korean society and how wome are defined by how they look. The film emphasises the notion of what is considered to be natural beauty. It achieves this by spotlighting ta fictionalised "old" world as represented by an island "that time forgot" and contrasting this with mainland modernity. Bedevilled makes a reference to the water in the capital, for example. We are informed that this water is a source of beauty and that it is guaranteed to provide fairer skin without the aid of make-up. It is this beauty obsession, especially of the idea of a beauty that is natural and free of enhancement, that is also the subject of 200 Pounds Beauty. But, beyond this, the films are gazillion miles apart in terms of genre and tone. Nevertheless, both dwell on this common theme. Up to a point, at least! 200 Pounds Beauty, which is originally titled in Korean as Minyeo-neun goerowo, is an unashamedly cutesie South Korean romantic comedy that was directed and written by the less-than-prolific director Yong-hwa Kim. Yong-hwa Kim has, to date, only directed four feature films. One of these being an award winning comedy about a baseball playing gorilla! On this occasion he takes a Japanese manga, Yumiko Suzuki's Kanna-san, Daiseikou Desu, as a starting point and uses it to shoehorn in some serious points. You see, for all the candy coloured Fancy World wrapping, 200 Pounds Beauty is a film that allows Yong-hwa Kim to say something that is important to the clearly youthful target audience. He is making a demand for reflection. In terms of performances the star turn here, and the 200 Pounds Beauty of the title, is played by Ah-jung Kim. She is, no doubt, a major contributing factor to the significant success that the film enjoyed at the box office. She portrays Kang Han-na. Kang, who makes a living trading on her beautiful voice. Kang provides vocals, Milli Vanilli style, for a famous music producer Sang-jun, played by Jin-mo Ju. In particular she does this for Sang-jun's latest discovery “Ammy”. After all, Ammy at least looks the part. She prances, poses and pouts. But, unfortunately for Ammy, she can't sing. And this is where Kang, an occasional phone sex worker, comes into the picture. Kang is a shadow singer and gives the less talented, but more easy on the eye, Ammy the chance of being "the whole package". This idea, one of an unseen potential star who's light is hidden under a bushel, is one of the many themes that is explored in Minyeo-neun goerowo. This is, after all, a film that is especially interested in a vacuous world of manufactured celebrity. It is unfortunate that Kang fancies the ruthless Simon Cowell-like Svengali. For, while Sang-jun is aware of Kang as his meal ticket, and utters sweet platitudes to keep her onside, he confides to Ammy that he finds Kang a complete turn off. Kang overhears this and decides it is time to make changes. She gives in to the societal pressures to conform and sets out to become a star in her own right. To do this she utilises the services of a plastic surgeon. He is a customer of Kang's sex work and as the result of blackmail reluctantly puts her under the knife for free. Kang even gives her name a makeover and adopts the new celebrity name “Jenny”. Success however changes Kang on the inside as well as outwardly and her celebrity persona takes over. It is the more heartless and driven Jenny who becomes a star while the "real" Kang becomes increasingly pushed into the background. She even, for appearances sake, denies recognising her own mentally ill father who she dismisses as being yet another fan.   In this, the film provides a commentary on the superficial nature of popular culture to which the director appears to be somewhat unsympathetic. The message, it seems, is that the current state of affairs is that the celebrity fixation of beauty is one that should not be allowed to continue unchallenged. What, it seems, is being articulated is that talent SHOULD count and not the package it comes in. But, in reality, the film is casting a much wider net. In taking celebrity world and as a microcosm it expands the point to take into consideration of Korean society as it is equally a musing on the role of the demands of the fan in the whole equation . The film also ponders the idea of authenticity. Natural beauty is deified while, at the same time, the notion that someone with plastic surgery is fake and undesirable is emphasised. So, even in the superficial world of stardom, as constructed here, there is a hierarchy of surperficiality. Ultimately the rivalry between Ammy and Kang is one of two phoneys. Yet, still, we are invited to sympathise more with Kang as we get to share the mitigating circumstances in her backstory. Ammy is afforded no such luxury. Despite the points considered, surprisingly, the film is never preachy. Indeed it completely eschews polemic and heavy handed monologues. Instead it encapsulates any “issue movie” pretensions within the familiar romcom formula. 200 Pounds Beauty may well be a sharply satirical eye that is cast upon a society wide obsession, and even the consequences of this but, while this is a film with something to say, it is one that maintains its funny, and sweet, ambiance throughout. But, for the viewer, the real joy of the film comes from the performance of lead actress Ah-jung Kim. She is, in real life, a singer as well as an actress and, apparently, she performs her own songs here. For example, she belts out an excellent rendition of Blondie's Maria. Even for this alone the film is worth watching. However, beyond this though, to be honest, there is no reason to especially seek out the teen comedy “by numbers” that is 200 Pounds Beauty. You see there are, after all, hell of a lot of teen-oriented romcoms out there. Indeed, there are hell of a lot of South Korean teen-oriented romcoms out there. But, honestly, to pass a bit of time there is no reason to especially overlook 200 Pounds Beauty either. It is simply what it is. Sure, the whole Cinderella or Ugly Duckling, rags-to-riches, makeover thing has been done to death. Some of these themes had already been handled more directly in Shallow Hal. As has the whole weightloss transformation thing. In Umberto Lenzi's Cicciabomba, aka Fatty Girl Goes to New York, for example. After all, that is what 200 Pounds Beauty is! It is, sort of, Shallow Hal meets Singin' in the Rain meets Cicciabomba with added X Factor.

Sunday, 8 June 2014

Iron Rose, The (1973)

7.0 out of 10
As was rather superficially noted by Scottish singer Sandi Thom the sixties was an era when revolution was in the air. Indeed, 1968 was a particularly turbulent year in France, for example, and there was a sense of imminent insurrection. During the May of that year the students and workers of the Paris Spring rode a wave of political radicalism that would sweep from Washington to Prague, and through Berlin, London, Belfast and beyond. It was a year when it seemed that great change was indeed possible. In Paris it was a time of sit-ins, strikes and violent confrontation with the monolith of state authority. It was also a time in which that radicalism would find expression in the arts too. This was, after all, the age of the Counterculture. Into this milieu would step Jean Rollin. Jean who had, by this time, already directed a number of short films would, in '68, make his feature debut with The Rape of the Vampire. And, with few titles being released in cinema at the time on account of the political climate, it would be a film that would face little, if any, competition for viewers. Unfortunately for Rollin, viewers were not receptive to his particular brand of radically experimental film making and audiences would, by his own admission, throw stuff at the screen. At the time people simply hated his film! However, it would still go on to be the most successful film in France that year. What these initial audiences witnessed, though clearly at the time did not fully appreciate, was the genesis of what would become the groundbreaking cult icon that is Jean Rollin. It was a debut would be heavily skewed toward the whole sexy vampire motif that would define so much of his oeuvre. Rollin was also, in this, very much the pioneer! Indeed, it is an area of film that would not only find favour with his contemporaries such as Jess Franco with his Vampyros Lesbos or Female Vampire or even José Ramón Larraz with Vampyres, but even with stylish, but slightly stuffy, Gothic horror studio Hammer when they too decided to get in on the act. After all, the Brits also sought to spice things up, a bit, with the likes of Lust for a Vampire and so on. Sure, the pinnacle of the post Blood and Roses vampire wave may well be, in my humble opinion, the delightful Harry Kumel directed Belgian vampire classic Daughters of Darkness, but no-one quite embraced the genre to the extent of Jean Rollin. Indeed, he based much of his career on this particular area of film while infusing these tales of female empowerment with a number of motifs that would become familiar to the many fans of his work. Indeed, as a debut, Jean Rollin's Le viol du vampire was a film that would lay out essential themes that would, ultimately, win the director critical acclaim. Albeit within audiences with a predilection for of a particular niche of film. However, it was a formula that Rollin would subvert, for the first time in 73, by stepping away from a vampire sub-genre in which he had been deeply immersed for the previous four feature titles. In this film, The Iron Rose, Rollin would be both making a break and maintaining a continuum. As, even though the premise would change fundamentally, the styles and signatures would, at the same time, be reassuringly familiar. As with all of Rollin's work there is a sense of the small scale and scope of the production. Indeed, if it is the case that Jean-Luc Godard is right when he states that all that is needed to make movies is a girl and a gun then Rollin is the director who takes this premise to the world of horror. After all, there are only significant roles for a lead cast of two here. For, while there a few suporting bit parts such as a woman in mourning and a clown that play an essential role in the underscoring of the experimental and quirky nature of the work, they are very much moved into the background. As is often the case with a Rollin feature, these micro-casts are made to appear insignificant, frail and vulnerable against a stark and inhospitable natural world. This is often, for Rollin, an environment distinguished by angry skies, stark, lonely ruins, misty autumnal countryside, and the incredible and lonely rugged and rocky beach near Dieppe that he would utilise time and again. With a Rollin film you get of a sense of unease that is borne of the realisation that man, stripped of gadgets and the trappings of technology, would probably struggle to survive in such harsh conditions. It may be a form of painterly visual poetry that Rollin presents us with but, at the same time, there is a sense of alienation from the traditional methods of production that sustained humanity since time immemorial. From The Grapes of Death to The Night of the Hunted, this is a sense of alienation that is ever-present. Albeit used to different ends in each case. However in the deliciously subversive Iron Rose, the theme of survival and the inhospitable nature of nature is re-framed ever so slightly. Sure there is the ubiquitous Rollinesque combinations of mist, the beach and the stark leafless vegetation, but here it primarily the sense of familiarity of place that is taken away from the protagonists. By making sure that his two leads, Françoise Pascal from Mind Your Language and Hugues Quester, are lost overnight in a graveyard, Rollin does something pretty clever. He renders the familiar as unfamiliar, the safe as unsafe and the peace and quiet as lonely and oppressive. By day they may well know the graveyard, but by night it is a strange and disorienting place. You see, just like the ocean of Open Water or the outback of Walkabout this is, to an extent, the setting for a natural world survival movie. But, whereas the aforementioned use remoteness to emphasise futility the setting of an urban cemetery places safety both tantalisingly close yet somehow distant and unattainable. The horror from the film is derived, primarily, from the realisation of the madness inducing futility of this situation. Even a moment of hope, where Quester discovers what he believes to be the perimeter wall, is shattered as it leads merely to yet another section of graves with a continuation of the maze of mausoleums, headstones, iron crucifixes and creepy statues of angels.

Monday, 26 May 2014

Lickerish Quartet, The (1970)

8.0 out of 10
In the February 1972 issue of British Eurocult magazine Continental Film Review, the one with the Edwige Fenech cover, there is an article about a film entitled Stanza 315, Ufficio Sesso. According to the article, the film, which translates to English as Room 315, Sex Office, is the sex story of a pretty secretary. There is even, in the flowery prose that will be familiar to readers of CFR, a fanciful synopsis that talks of Elizabeth and Marco and their working relationship in the Trastevere region of Rome. To accompany this there is even a two page spread and a pictorial. Except, the problem here is that there is no record of a film called Stanza 315 and, besides, the pictures are from a different film altogether. For, as it happens, the stills are taken from Radley Metzger's The Lickerish Quartet. The Lickerish Quartet was distributed by Radley Metzger's Audubon Films, a company that he established, a decade prior, in order to distribute Eurocult and erotic titles. This was before Metzger himself moved into film direction. As for the Lickerish Quartet, the locations give the film a distinctly European feel. The film was shot in Italy in and around the famous Balsorano Castle, a location that would be used in numerous cult and genre film titles including, among others, the likes of The Bloody Pit of Horror and Sister Emanuelle. The latter, here, being of interest because, despite the fact that the film, as is the case with the whole Black Emanuelle franchise, starred Laura Gemser as the titular Emanuelle, this one was not, in fact, directed by Joe D'amato. The whole Eurocult vibe here is, incidentally, further emphasised by a score that is provided by the great Stelvio Cipriani. For, even while this may well be a film from an American director, for all intents and purposes this is a European film, with a very European aesthetic. The Lickerish Quartet represents a pinnacle of an especially productive period of European work for Radley Metzger. This was from a time in which Radley would take advantage of cinematic freedoms in Europe to produce some eye-poppingly beautiful adult oriented film. During this period he would direct the likes of Carmen Baby, an update of the opera that would be shot in Germany, Therese and Isabelle, a Netherlands production filmed in France and Camille 2000, an Italian production filmed in Rome. But, the best of the bunch would easily be The Lickerish Quartet. It is brilliant and unashamedly cerebral. The Lickerish Quartet is not erotica for the sake of erotica. It is a film of ambition, and one that attempts to answer some deeper questions. It even has literary roots. For, The Lickerish Quartet is based on the pre-war Italian absurdist and existentialist play Sei personaggi in cerca d'autore that was written by Luigi Pirandello. With an English title of Six Characters in Search of an Author, the play tells the story of half-a-dozen incomplete characters who show up at a theatre rehearsal. They are seeking an author to complete their "story". It is interesting to note that none of the characters in this slice of cult erotica have names. So, they can only be understood in terms of their relationship to one another and, insofar as they can be defined at all, it is purely by juxtaposition. So, a castle has an owner, and he is played by tragic Eurocult favourite Frank Wolff. He is understood in terms of his relationship to the castle. Indeed, he is purely defined by possessions but, in a period of enlightenment he informs us that if he possesses something he has no need at all to understand it. The other characters are defined, in turn by their relationship to The Owner. He has a wife, also unnamed, who is played by Erika Remberg, and a son who is played by Paolo Turco. Here in The Lickerish Quartet, not unlike how it is with the six mysterious players of Pirandello's imagining, these characters are not fully "written". They are not aware they are merely part of a shadow play and that the key to understanding their lives remains out of their hands. The players here are a rich trio who are bored. They entertain themselves with 8mm stag loops while they ponder exactly what sort of people would star in such films. Deciding to go outside in order to find something to do, they end up at a fairground. Having watched a wall-of-death act they notice that one of the riders bear more than a passing resemblance to one of the women from the stag films. So, the trio invite her back to their castle for their own amusement. She is, so her credit informs us, "The Visitor". This particular visitor is played by Silvana Venturelli. She becomes the fourth piece of the jigsaw. Together these four are The Lickerish Quartet and so begins, what the trailer describes with such a wonderful turn of phrase, an erotic duet for four players. What becomes clear, early on, is that The Visitor is not like the three characters of the film. Indeed, she seems to understand the trio better than they understand themselves. The Visitor also, frequently, drops hints that she is aware that their world is no more than a film. Furthermore, through sexual exploration that is stunningly realised here, The Visitor helps the three come closer to understanding who it is that they really are. Then, having seduced them one by one, The Visitor disappears. She leaves the trio where they began: in the dark. So, at the conclusion of The Lickerish Quartet an answer, of sorts, is revealed to the viewer. But, frustratingly, the confused threesome never get to be made aware of this. Their world, one of flickering images, is ended with the extinguishing of the projector light. Only The Visitor remains. While the plot may seem extremely complex, and it is, the result is a film that is not just an essential for fans of intelligent, sexy, European cinema. It has a special kind of beauty that should give it a wider appeal. It is also a film that demands repeat viewing. Sure there is plenty of delightful visuals to absorb with a cursory viewing, but like a matryoshka doll this is a film of many layers that can be stripped away to reveal another. However, Roger Ebert didn't really get the film. Nor, if his review is to be accepted, did he really give the film much of a chance. Indeed, the cleverness of it all was something of an issue for him. Ebert, so it seems, found it "unbelievably, and unnecessarily, complex". But worry not, for it needn't be so. However the viewer is called upon to pay attention. Unless, of course, you are Ebert. In which case you must be willing to dismiss The Lickerish Quartet without even attempting to understand!

Saturday, 24 May 2014

Ape, The (1940)

5.0 out of 10
Beginning in the silent era with John "Shorty" Hamilton comedies, Monogram Pictures, with their famed Monogram ranch, would eventually go on to sign Boris Karloff who would, in turn, star in half a dozen features for the studio. Five of these would be as the Chinese detective Mr. Wong while the sixth, and final outing, would be as Doctor Bernard Adrian in the monkey suited horror film The Ape. With as much gravitas as ham and cheese Karloff, alone, lifts the film from the B feature herd. Beyond him though is a litany of pedestrian and anonymous supporting performances from the likes of Gene O'Donnell or Henry Hall. Here, it is British actor Karloff that lends an air of quality to what would, ordinarily, be seen as little more than another minor horror title from a lesser studio. Albeit from a studio that would ultimately go on to become Allied Artists Pictures and distribute such delights as The Wild Geese, The Man Who Would Be King and and the whiptastic Corinne Cléry led Euro-bondage Story of O. Deep down, it has to be said that Dr Adrian is a kindly man. Even while it is true that he has developed something of a fixation with a young lady named Frances Clifford who, as it so happens, is his patient. But, even here, he only seeks to help Miss Clifford and is not mooning over her with thoughts of either killing or shagging her. He only wishes to do good things and, at the same time, further the cause of medical science. You see, Miss Frances Clifford, played by Sam Newfield's albino monkey-madness movie White Pongo star Maris Wrixon, has polio. She is confined to a wheelchair. Dr. Adrian is the man who can, once more, make her walk. However, it is not Dr Adrian's motivates that are under question. But it is his methods that prove to be somewhat suspect and more than a little problematic. You see, Bernard Adrian has been working away in his home laboratory and is close to finding a cure for the debilitating effects of polio. He has practiced on dogs, and other critters. He is now ready to scale-up to man, the "highest of the animals". All he needs is some human "spinal fluid" and Bob's yer uncle. This is where the problems begin, as it seems that voluntary human spinal fluid donors prove somewhat elusive. This leads to Dr Adrian become somewhat proactive in his pursuit of the elixir of legs. He must kill, and then kill again. As luck should have it, a fire at a nearby travelling circus, provided by some fascinating big top stock footage, ensues. A killer gorilla is on the loose. Raging across the country, the hapless beast stumbles into the home of Doctor Adrian. Adrian does what any self-respecting vivisectionist quack would do. He kills the beast and scoops the bones out of the poor fucker. The former gorilla becomes a convenient ape suit disguise and a cover for some spine-tingling monkey business. Now Dr Adrian gets to drain the spines of the innocent while the one time "great" ape gets all the blame. At the same time the unwitting Miss Clifford gets treatment that allows her to rise like a once chairbound Lazarus to the upright position. She can walk again. In time she will run, free, once more. While all this is, honestly, as wild and funky as it sounds, that is not to say that this is a film that has nothing important or intelligent to say. For example, the film raises a utilitarian dilemma. It is a variant of what would be latter codified, decades later, as the "trolley problem". Dr Adrian is confronted with a form of Hippocratic paradox in which he is compelled give life by killing and, at the same time, do best by his patients. But, unable to achieve resolution, he simply dresses up in the skin of a dead animal and lets the gorilla figure it out. In ape form he comes down on the side of the patient. Putting aside the ethics, the film also touches upon themes relating to small town superstition and the challenge that simpletons present to science. You see, in this town, Dr Adrian is something of a pariah. As with the peasant population in Lucio Fulci's Don't Torture a Duckling, the locals are slightly suspicious of modernity and all this newfangled round earth science stuff. They feel that Dr. Adrian experiments "too much" and they are suspicious of his methods. A gang of kids, who seem to shout or announce their lines in the way children on film did back then, even throw stones at his home. There is also, possibly, some political stuff at work here. Given that, by this time, fascism had taken Europe to war it is not beyond the imagination to wonder whether the ethics of this were a consideration for director, and occasional quota-quickie scribe, William Nigh. After all, Dr. Adrian is prone to "playing God" in the name of what he perceives to be a greater good and acting on this to the point of killing people to further his "experiments". So it this a film about Nazism? It is tempting to join the dots to this end! So, erm... possibly! Whether or not this is the case, there are some themes that warrant deeper consideration. Although, the only thing that these aspects of the film serve to do is to put some meat on the bare bones of what is little more than a boondoggle grade 57 minute horror cheapie.

Tuesday, 20 May 2014

Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter (1966)

5.0 out of 10
He was to become known as "One Shot". But, director William Beaudine wasn't always known as the director of the single-take B movie quickie. However that was exactly how things would pan out for William. Here he was, over 350 films into a career and directing the delightfully titled Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter. This was a film that would become part of a double bill with the just as brilliantly titled Billy the Kid vs. Dracula. These two titles were directed for Two Mules for Sister Sara producer Carroll Case. Oh how different it would have five decades prior! Back then, during the silent age, Beaudine was a respected member of the film establishment, securing work with pre-merger Metro and Goldwyn Pictures. Beaudine was a somebody. He would direct for the likes of Paramount, Warner and Universal. He would work with greats such as W. C. Fields and would even, in his early twenties, find himself working as assistant to director D.W. Griffith on Birth of a Nation. But, this was all before a Hollywood-career-stalling period spent in England. Sure Beaudine would get plenty of work the other side of the pond. For example, he would work with popular British comedian Will Hay. Indeed, he would helm such notable comic titles as Windbag the Sailor and Boys Will be Boys! But, on return to Hollywood, he would now find himself out of favour and out of work. Not to be discouraged, William Beaudine would play to his strengths. By employing methods he learned in the silent era and, by combining these with an incredible work-rate, Beaudine would become something of a master of the single take. Resorting to Poverty Row productions for the likes of Monogram Pictures, and so on, he would become a byword for efficiency over quality as, for decades, he cranked out titles such as numerous East Side Kids efforts, episodes of Lassie and countless commercials. Indeed, he shot anything that paid! Now Willam, in the twilight of his career, and a mere four years before his death, was shooting horror westerns back-to-back. One of these was Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter. As the title suggests, Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter, like its sister film Billy the Kid vs. Dracula from the same year and with which it shared a double bill, is something of a genre mash-up. It takes a historic figure of the old west and places him in the context of the Gothic horror genre. It does this with its tongue placed firmly in cheek. But, while the film is so much fun, it is not as madcap as the Abbott and Costello series of horror comedy "Meet" films, for example. For, while it is indeed quirky, it does not really deliver on the riotous hokum promised. Instead, even though it has all the oddball charm of a kid-friendly matinee feature, it handles the western aspect as if it were a played-straight B movie oater. Indeed, were it not for the horror-ish elements, it would be pretty much like countless other cowboy films from around this time. In this telling of the Jesse James story our titular hero, played by TV western regular John Lupton, and his brawling beefcake sidekick Hank, team up with the Wild Bunch in order to pull off a heist. However, having been betrayed and ambushed, Hank, played by Cal Bolder, takes a bullet in the shoulder. With treatment an imperative, Hank and Jesse set off in search of a doctor while trying to keep one step ahead of Jim "Jock Ewing from Dallas" Davis who is a marshall. Upon the recommendation of a Spanish girl that they meet along the way, our anti-heroes arrive at the Frankenstein villa where brother and sister boffins, Rudolf and Mary, seek to use poor Hank in their brain transplant experiments. Cool, eh? As much as the western aspect of the film plays it by the book the horror elements themselves are slightly downplayed. Or at least they are blunted, somewhat, by the performance of Narda Onyx as Dr Mary Frankenstein. In this film, by grinning ear-to-ear throughout, she lends the material all the gravitas of Angelika Jager's almost contemptuous, yet amusing, nonchalance exhibited in Robot Holocaust. Incidentally Dr Mary, as an aside here, is actually Frankenstein's granddaughter in this, despite the title suggesting otherwise. But I digress because, in this film, it is Dr. Mary Frankenstein who really steals the show. Not least because, pretty much, everyone else plays it so straight. After all, there was no real need to be so po-faced about this material. Narda, it seems, got that, even if the rest of the cast didn't. Okay, at times, it is all a little ropey. For example, the matte paintings used to represent the Frankenstein place are not the best. Also, some poorly integrating Injun attack footage is no more convincing than what Bruno Mattei achieved with his stock footage laden Zombie Creeping Flesh. But, even with all the faults, this is delightfully shlocky fun. It is silly and it is cheap but, at the same time, the film has the potential to deliver real uncomplicated entertainment for those who come to it without any expectations of conventional brilliance. So, this is not Oscar material. But, nevertheless, William Beaudine still eventually got his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, itself an accomplishment for a B movie director. Besides, if there was ever an award for best film title of 1966 then surely Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter would be in the running. But, as for Beaudine himself, he was under no illusions whatsoever about what it is he did for a living. When, famously, he was asked about a title he was working on and why it was behind schedule he would reply "You mean someone out there is actually waiting to see THIS?". The man was a legend!

Sunday, 18 May 2014

Wild Women of Wongo, The (1958)

7.0 out of 10
Back in the eighties Australian critic and broadcaster Clive James was a bit of a darling of late night British television. With a dry humour he would look at TV from around the world and poke a funny, if somewhat cynical, jab at stuff such as Japanese torture-porn game-show Endurance. This was before the witty Bob Mills eyebrow-raised mocking as seen on In Bed With Medinner, and it was a sort of a forerunner to Chris "after this break" Tarrant's entry into the smug cultural condescension market called, predictably, Tarrant on TV. Aside from the rich seam of cultural superiority that can be mined, effortlessly, from world television in an "ain't foreigners funny" sort of way, Clive would also look at the world of genre cinema. Mostly this would entail commenting, Mystery Science Theater 3000 style, on what we would be led to believe were bad movies. After all, it is far easier to find fault than to find something good to say. But, even so, Clive James would take this to a whole new level of, pretty funny, Sunday evening TV. In one episode, for example, Clive James would look at the now infamous 1957 post-McCarthyite "terror" of From Hell it Came with its stomping, sour-faced, treestump monster. Taking the piss out of this would be, of course, just like shooting fish in a barrel! Summoning his deepest funnies Clive would ask "From Hell it Came?", and answer his own question with a sly "...and to hell it can go!!". Sidesplitting stuff! Well, you had to have been there! Another favourite of his was The Wild Women of Wongo. It would become something of a running joke as we "tune in next time" for more witticisms at the expense of the toga-clad tribeswomen. It was all, as Clive was at pains to emphasise time and again, a long time ago. After all, The Wild Women of Wongo was a child of the fifties, the heart of the atomic age. It was a time when a giant, red, squid-like lobster of a monster had the Godfearing people of America caught in a pincer movement between feminism and Communism. Freedom was being slowly strangled in its claw-like tentacles. In order to protect the eyes of the innocent, schools and workplaces were urged to "duck and cover" when presented with the sight of these infernal bra burning reds! But, thankfully, when the heat was on, Hollywood would rise, like a B-grade phoenix, to the challenge. The fightback would begin, and this time the fightback would wear a toga! If the politicians could not help, then the studio system would defend the God-given right of men to mow the lawns, as their womenfolk mend, and bake, while free of pinko union interference. So, The Wild Women of Wongo would fly their leopard-skinned standard for the cause of liberty! As an opening narration would explain, the tribespeople of Wongo were blessed with the most beautiful women on the island. However, these hunter gatherer ladies of an alligator cult were forced to endure arranged marriages to some rather homely men that included, in their ranks, a grey haired king who is played by former Welsh rugby international Rex Richards, and his Monty Burns-like assistant. However, their ten thousand year old arrangement, itself a cruel joke at the hands of Father Time and Mother Nature (who narrates), comes under threat when a sea faring band of unruly ape people present an existential threat to the status quo. This invasion brings, through necessity, the people of Wongo into contact with their near neighbours on the other side of the island. As luck should have it, they are a tribe made of sensitive beefcake men, who wax, and their "When Alice Broke the Mirror" crew of homely women. They are the Goona. At first contact Omoo, the daughter of the king of the Wongo, falls in love with the son of the king of Goona. Of course this is a bit right wing. For, while the film does take a progressive position with regard arranged marriage, it instead supplants this with some sort of advocacy of selective breeding. Indeed, the message is that while a limited feminism is tolerable, in that women of Wongo acquire the right to choose a mate, they must instead be enslaved to the impetus of Social Darwinist inspired genetics. In short, in what is an advocacy of fascistic physiognomy as the basis for love, beautiful people and monarchs must not marry beneath their station. As with The Queen of Outer Space, and its ilk, there is also the need to emphasise the perspective that every good woman needs a good man. Even for the red-baiting times this is a film that, politically, goes off the charts and into the land of the fruitcakes. Aside from the subject matter, the Wild Women of Wongo has come in for a fair bit of stick over the years and, to be fair, much of it is unjustified. It is, after all, incredibly good fun. Since it is a jungle film, it has an obligatory rubber alligator wrestling death match, and, in the absence of the menfolk, there is that staple of genre film of the era: a Swamp Women style sandbox catfight. But there is some novelty too. There is a religious rite, for example, that sort of strays into the territory of the Faster Pussycat go-go dancer. This really has to be seen to be believed! Honestly! There is also some startling underwater footage of girls and gators swimming which is worth the effort. Also, the locations around the eccentric Florida folly of Coral Castle are interesting. However, as a downside, pretty much everyone involved appears to be reading their lines from cards and comic relief from a talking parrot misfires due to the fact that it is, actually, a bit hard to discern what it is the incoherently dubbed bird is trying to say. Sure the film is not "technically" brilliant. But, if it is entertaining, then who cares!


Films are rated by giving them a score from one to ten green pickles. The actual score depends on my mood at the time of writing and reflect no worthier a quality than how much the film actually entertained me. It is not a judgement of how good or bad a film is. Nor is it rocket science.